If you

"If You...
If You...
Can we try this thing again one day?
can we try again if it is not too late..
If you.. If you..
If you struggling like I am,
I can make it easier, yes I can..."

(If You - BigBang - English Version)


Flashcard bergambar masa lalu
dihampar depan mata,
adrenalin meluru laju,
lalu timbul rasa antara berdebar, marah, kesal, atau terkilan.
Fikiran mula menghamburkan cadangan
karut,

Kalau lah aku tidak terlintas meluah perasaan,
pasti dia dan aku tak terpisahkan,
menyesal mencintai,
menyesal persahabatan terlerai begini,

Hati mahu mengulang,
minda pula menghalang.

Tak mungkin.
Tak mungkin apa yang terlepas dapat digapai kembali,
Masa juga takkan membantu.
Ruang malah lebih meluas dan menjauh,
Harapan itu jadi harapan paling palsu,
paling dungu.

Hati terus menyanyi...

"If You...
If You...
Can we try this thing again one day?
can we try again if it is not too late..
If you.. If you...
If you struggling like I am,
I can make it easier, yes I can..."

Tanpa sedar bibir tersenyum sinis
lalu berkata, "Bodoh. Tak mungkin"

Kalau lah aku tahu,
lebih baik mencinta dalam diam
dari terpisah jauh,
biar bukan jadi kekasih,
asal di  hati kaulah cinta pertama.

Aku sanggup.

-Kita berkawan sahajalah walau jauh di mata, ya?-

Missing puzzle

I can't see you,

But I can hear your voice.

I can't reach you, you are far away.

I call you but you never came.

You leave me behind,

facing the world, when I'm not surely fine.

Your whispers that linger,

saying I won't be alone

but why I am here rolling in the darkness so cold on my own,

You say you'll be the stars,

bright my sky with your sparkling light,

But I'm still here waiting while looking at the dark empty sky.

You are the pieces of my shattered soul.

with gentle words that breeze,

you embrace my sorrow,

those laser gaze you gave,

saying that I'm a stupid if I ever lose,

and those anger that blow when I pushed my pain to you,

you said you want to take over,

you who scares me, makes me stand firm on my feet.

Do I have to be so hurt?

So I can meet you?

Do I have to be thrown away?

So you're there to keep me?

I'm standing but never move,

I'm crying with no tears,

still, I am crying.

Looking in the mirror,

finding the pieces of me in those eyes,

and sigh when there's only me.

there, I close my eyes, 

tasting the pleasure of pain

when my heart sliced to bleed, and call blood as my silent tears.

How I'm holding on to you.

How I can't live without you,

it's the same as drowning,

Can't you see, I'm trying so hard keeping you next to me?

I can hear your voices in silence,

but why its fading out?

Are you leaving me?

Did I killed you with my smile?

No.

I still need you.

Don't leave me in this lonely road. 

You are me and I am you.

You don't have to go,

I beg you...
Please....complete my missing piece of puzzle.

For Elly and Amilia. 

The heart turns ashes

The more we thought,

The more we fought,

The less we got.

You know--

My heart is red,

when it burns,

when it turns darker,

it can't return to its colour.

It has always been like this,

When I have to forget,

to betray and to turn my back,

and shows hand to someone else happiness.

Nurturing their future and forgetting what

once mine--

it's not always mine actually--

but at least it do appears in my dream

sometimes.

I used to think--

what makes them happy might applied to me too,

now I'm drowning to what once become my virtue,

And I lost in the battle I thought I could do,

with a finale of taking breath in a count of two.

The time has come--

the heart that turns darker

now turns ashes,

fade away like a feather,

wrap with tear,

fly with the wind and went further.

Even we're closer, we are too far.

You see me,

but you can never hold my heart.

Not anymore.

it used to shine brighter for you,

but it gradually lost--

when you hold it harder,

Sorry.

I should have told you,

but I kept it to myself,

And so you know--

I'm breaking my own heart,

and it's no one fault but me.

Holding on.

Lukisan Seni : Raut Kaku

Kiranya aku orang paling kaku--

Sukar berperasaan,

Sukar berekspresi,

Raut yg mati,

Senyum pun dalam hati.

               

Kiranya akulah yang perasan kaku--

Kerana setiap garis raut ini

boleh ditembusi

dan setiap kali itu

tak pernah salah.

Mungkin ekspresi itu lebih seni--

yang dilukis lain yang dimaksudkan lain,

yang dinilai ikut perspektif masing-masing.

               

Jadi kiranya aku ini lukisan kaku--

yang dinilai luahan ikut hati orang lain,

maksudnya cuma satu

tapi banyak versi yang haru.

Picture : Taken from igalleriez

Sudahlah sayang

Sudahlah sayang..

Sudah lah mengeluh.
Aku mungkin takkan mengerti peritmu
Tapi aku mulai mengerti air matamu

Sudahlah berlari.
Aku mungkin takkan dapat mengejarmu
tapi aku pasti mencari dan menjejakmu

Sudahlah termenung
Aku mungkin takkan dapat membaca fikirmu
kerana aku selalu menyelami hatimu

Sudahlah..
kita berhenti dahulu
pisahkan hati
jauhkan diri
mungkin akan menjunamnya rindu
mungkin akan menjunam dalam kalbu

atau mungkin kita takkan pernah jadi satu.



Sudahlah sayang
Aku sudah lelah fikirkan itu.