The Makeup Remover (II)

PART 2


Pada suatu pagi di hari minggu (30 May 2015),
Sedang aku duduk termenung di atas bangku sambil memerhati gelagat orang-orang asing yang sedang bergembira di taman rekreasi,aku ditegur seorang wanita asing, "Hey, kau perempuan tanpa topeng. Aku ingin tahu, bagaimana rasa tiupan angin yang membelai wajahmu?"

Dengan dahi yang berkerut kerana sesungguhnya aku tidak memahami soalan yang dilontarkan, aku cuma mampu menatap wajahnya yang tersembunyi di sebalik topeng putih bercorak bunga, dihiasi manik berkilau. Kau ingin tahu rasa ditiup angin, buka sajalah topeng mu. Monologku.

"Oh, angin pagi ini terasa lembut dan dingin walaupun terik mentari agak menyengat. Tapi masih nyaman." balasku sambil tersenyum ikhlas padanya. Ikhlas? Bukan. Ia lebih kepada simpati.

Wanita itu berlalu pergi dengan langkah yang senang seolah puas dengan jawapanku. Aku jadi lebih simpati padanya. Masakan mahu menikmati tiupan angin juga tidak mampu, terpaksa bertanya pada orang. Aku tidak faham. Rasanya, sama sahaja angin yang bertiup pada tubuh dengan wajah. Ada bezakah? Mungkinkah angin yang dirasa pada tubuh lebih kencang, tapi pada wajah terasa lembut dan aman? Aneh-aneh manusia sekarang.

Timbul pula satu cita-cita yang mungkin murni bagiku, tapi agak biadap untuk manusia yang lain.


"THE REMOVER" bahasa Melayunya, PENANGGAL. Eh, seram pula bunyi dia.

Bukan. Bukan. Yang sebetulnya (bukan direct translate), lebih sesuai kalau aku beri nama "PELENYAP". (???)


                                                                *       *       *


Weekend in the morning, (30 May 2015),
I was sitting on a bench while observing people enjoying their day at the park, when a woman came and ask me, "Hey, you girl, the unmasked one. I want to know what is it like to feel the breeze?"

I was speechless and felt weird. Then I looked at her face, which covered with a white masked decorated with flower patterns and shining beads on it. Saying this to myself, if you really want to know how does it feel, you should just take off the mask.

"Oh, it's soft and cool despite the fact that the sun is scorching, but it is comfortable" I reply with a sincere smile. No. It's not sincere, it's more to sympathy.

The woman walks away happily as if she was satisfied with my answer. I felt even more sympathy towards her. How come you can't even enjoy the breeze so much you have to ask people around. I don't understand. I thought the feeling was the same whether it was your face or your body. Is there any difference, like the breeze you felt through your body is stronger than the breeze that fell on your face?

Suddenly I came across with a pure ambition, well at least to me, while there is a possibility that the ambition is quite rude to others.


"THE REMOVER", in Malay we call it PENANGGAL. Well..... that sounds creepy and scary.

No. I think it should be "PELENYAP". (???)

The Makeup Remover (I)

PART 1


Aku lihat ramai manusia bertopeng.
Aku lihat manusia bertopeng itu sentiasa cantik dan terlihat sempurna.
Lalu aku lihat wajah sendiri dalam cermin.
Tidak bertopeng dan tidak cantik, apatah lagi sempurna, jauh sekali. Seratus kali mati hidup balik pun, masih sama.

Jadi inilah sebabnya aku sendiri dalam dunia ini. Tiada siapa sudi melihat malah berteman. Cuma seorang (selain keluarga), dia adalah Leya. Leya selalu kata, aku beruntung tidak perlukan topeng. Aku bebas dan dia terkurung dalam topeng, sukar bernafas. Dia mahu jadi seperti aku. Malangnya, dia tidak punya kekuatan hati.

Beruntung??
Tidak masuk akal langsung.

                                                                     *         *         *

I saw many people wearing a mask.
They always look beautiful and perfect.
Then, I look upon myself in the mirror.
Having no mask and ugly, not even perfect. I know it will remain the same, forever.

So, this is the reason why I'm alone. Nobody wants to be friend with me. There is only one besides my family, she is Leya. Leya always said to me that I was lucky. I don't need a mask. I am free while she was locked in a mask and can't even breath properly. She wants to be just like me. Unfortunately, she didn't have the guts to do so.

LUCKY??!
Absurd.

Rosak

Bismillah

Assalamualaikum


Rosak mood aku pagi ni bila naik status kau di newsfeed aku. Tak tau kenapa jantung aku berdebar lebih laju dari sebelum ni.


Rupanya aku belum boleh move on sepenuhnya sebab masih ada ruang kosong dalam hatiku, dan aku cuma ada kenangan untuk disimpan.

Jantung berdebar satu hal,
marah satu hal,
nak menangis sebab rindu pun satu hal.

Bodoh nya aku ni.

Bodoh yang amat.

Rindu??? 웃기지마!!


Ahh aku tetap rasa aku tak guna. Konon nak move on. Nak block, nak unfriend aku rasa macam tak cool la pulak. Dah takde apa-apa kan? Kau pun mungkin tak pernah rasa apa yang aku rasa, buat apa nak meroyan macam tak matang kan.



Berkat ke-EGO-an aku, akhirnya aku yang merosakkan mood sendiri. LOL


Nasib baik bila dah lepas tengah hari, perasaan aku normal balik. Kalau aku stress, nampaknya aku kena jugaklah cari pengganti. Full stop.


KAH!

Amilia Ami

Lab C8, Genetik.

Jam 5:37pm

Kalau aku punya sayap

Kalau aku punya sayap yang melambangkan hati,

Pasti sayapku warnanya hitam pekat.

Kalau aku punya sayap yang melambangkan nurani,

pasti sayapku tak mampu bawa aku terbang tinggi, dek kebasahan dosa.


Amilia Ami
Bas KKKL (KL-JB)
Jam 5.30 ptg

Today and Tomorrow

Picture taken from here

It's funny how life can turn upside down and keeps going on and on without us knowing.

Yesterday was the happiest moment in your life, but tomorrow might be the worst, you might face all sorts of problems that could break you down, tear your heart into pieces, makes you cry and hurts you.

Therefore, cherish every single thing you do and all the things that happen. If today is the happiest moment in your life, be happy, but remember that your today's happiness does not last forever as tomorrow is something that you don't know. I'm not asking you to be afraid of tomorrow, I'm telling you to cherish and appreciate for what you have now. Tomorrow is something different that you need to handle, just focus on "NOW" and be prepared for "TOMORROW".


Living with no regrets is something that not everyone can do. I'm really sure most of us do regret things that we can't do or we can't have. Me as well. I regret every single thing that I do, always saying, "I wish I could..." "If I do this, maybe I can...". Trust me it's hurting me. I can't even move on with what I did, how can I move on with something else that might and have happened?

I'm looking forward to my new transition. The transition from being engulfed by negativity towards living with positive mindset and attitude. People who read my posts might say that "why the hell does she keeps talking about this kind of thing?", well this is how I remind myself of what my personal life goal in general.

Keep on fighting!

For each one are successive [angels] before and behind him who protect him by the decree of Allah. Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves. And when Allah intends for a people misfortune, there is no repelling it. And there is not for them besides Him any protector 

Surat Ar-Ra'd (13: 11)

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Bila Seorang

Taken from Miriadna

Jalan yang aku ambil ini adalah jalan yang paling sunyi yang pernah aku lalui.
Aku sendiri dan dalam keadaan masih tertanya-tanya...
Apakah ini yang paling benar jalannya?
Apakah jalan ini yang aku inginkan setulus hatiku?
Apakah aku mampu?

Mengambil langkah optimis.
Aku fikir ini jalan untuk ke fasa baru hidup aku.
Bukan aku seorang.
Semua orang pasti melaluinya.
Mungkin dalam situasi aku, aku cuba untuk mengikhlaskan hati menerima peluang sambung belajar. Manakala, orang lain pula bersendiri dalam waktu menginjak ke alam pekerjaan.
Jadi kita sama-sama pernah sendiri. Cuma lorong kita berlainan.

Cuba mencedok fikiran paling optimis.
Aku mungkin terasa sendiri, tapi itulah yang bakal menjadikan aku manusia utuh di atas bumi ini. Aku harus sama-sama berdiri dengan mereka yang sudah berjaya melalui jalan sepi (baca: fasa baru). Aku harus berdiri sama tinggi dengan mereka meskipun tempoh bangkit itu, memaksa aku untuk merangkak malah mengengsot sekalipun. Aku harus segera tinggalkan kepompong lamaku. Aku harus bingkas, supaya tidak tenggelam di dalam pesimisku. Aku harus jadikan warkah "Bila Seorang" ini satu kekuatan, satu bara yang membakar intipatiku, biar semangat itu terus menyala, biar jalan sepi ini tidak gelap. Biarkan jalan ini sepi tapi berisi malah terlukis dengan jejak indahku.

Wahai sang empunya jasad bernama Aimi Amirah Abd Ajis,

Kamu ditakdir melalui jalan sepi ini supaya kamu bisa berdua dengan tuhanmu. Kerana di saat ini, kebergantungan kamu pada Allah adalah yang paling diuji. Tetaplah bergantung, dan Allah akan menghadirkan kamu insan-insan yang bakal menemani sepimu nanti.

Amilia_Ami

Memory Erasure: Behind The Scene

My name is Aomi (not a typo), I am a memory eraser.
My job is to erase Mira's memories. I'm currently on the move to erase most of Mira's past. She can't really recall any of her past especially the bad one, but she can completely remember what people had said to her, the feeling of being hurt, the fear and the joys. In a conclusion, I only keep an abstract of her essence, not the exact picture.  Just to remind her that her life has it's up and down but she don't have to remember everything.

Besides, I also erase all the memories that doesn't really have a big impact to her life. Like going to the toilet to accompany her friend in the middle of the night (she just knew it last night when her friend told her, but she don't even remember it). Or like going to somewhere with her friends. Don't ask her too much, because she knew that she was going out with you, but believe me, she don't really remember what she did. 

Latest job is,
erasing the feeling that she had for someone, that is less than a year. She won't remember how hate she is to her first love. She won't remember how she loves him. She won't remember the feeling of being loved or in love except for her families.
There are so many things to erase. But I'd rather keep some of it.. Just enough to make her live. 

My name is Aomi (not a typo), I'm the reason of her headache. I'm sorry, but it was the price she has to pay. Unwillingly. 

(Aomi, 2015)